I don't get it ...

2 years ago I had Oliver.  My last baby.  I knew he would be my last baby and once I had had him I set forth to reclaim my body back for good.  I jumped back on the good old Weight Watchers wagon and lost all my pregnancy weight and some for a total of about 25lbs.  I never felt like I was really overweight.  I am just under 5'5.  I think I topped out the scale at about 167 (this may have been when I just stopped weighing myself).  I weighed about that when I got pregnant with Oliver.  It was around that time that I also had to wear some size 14 pants.  At first they were my "fat pants", you know the ones you wear when you're having a fat day that don't feel quite so tight.  And then these started to feel tight.  I knew something would have to change. 

Weight Watchers had worked for me in the past and I knew with commitment it would work for me again.

And it did.

It always does.

I'm happy to toot the horn about Weight Watchers to anybody that will listen.  That's how much I believe in the program.  Year after year it's voted number 1 all over the place for being the weight loss program that works.  Anyway, at work I'm on a site leadership team that helps put together programs and things for everyone at work.  With the direction that things have gone with Health Insurance more and more companies are moving towards "wellness" programs.  We are no exception.  So someone, not me, had the idea to offer Weight Watchers to employee's. I told them about my mum's work who does this on a pretty regular basis.  Reimbursing employee's for participation and success.  To  have these meetings brought to your workplace doesn't get more convenient.  Basically you have to pay your fee's up front and then if you attend the majority of the meetings and lose at least 10 lbs then you are reimbursed 100% of those fee's.  In essence this could be FREE!!!  All we needed was 20 people to sign up for an at work program.  We've got like 150-200 people that work in our facility.  And we couldn't get 20 people.  And I assure you there are plenty that could use the program.

And this leaves be baffled.  It's F R E E!!!

I remember thinking when I was pregnant with Oliver and hauling around 30 extra pounds that when I was no longer pregnant how nice it would be to not be winded when I got to the top of the stairs.  And to appreciate that feeling.  To this day I still remember that.  When I'm sat on the couch and one of the kids asks me to get something or do something I truly often think to myself, "YES!  Because it's not a big deal to run upstairs real quick."

There's this commercial I've seen a few times and I can't even remember what it's actually for but it starts by saying how we are born with a number.  And we are.  What's the first thing they do when you have a baby?  They weigh him or her and attach that number to them for life.  And forever on we are a slave to the scale and what that number says.  Jackson always weighed not enough.  Baylee always weighs too much.  Even in childhood we are closely connected to what that scale says.  It certainly doesn't change as we get older.

Today I am within my healthy weight range.  Most of this year I was consistently in the 140-143 range.  Every now and then I would pop up to 145 and then just by spending a week focusing on what I put in my mouth I could bring it back down to my 140-143 range.  I had a huge, record breaking week of running the week before Christmas.  40 miles for the week, and I also broke 1,000 miles for the year.  And then I consciously decided to take a week off.  With Christmas it was going to be difficult.  I knew taking a break before starting my full marathon training plan would be a good idea.  And my right foot has been hurting for several months now so I figured this might help sort that out as well.  That week turned into 11 days total.  That's the longest I've gone without running in probably all of 2012.  I'm glad I did it.  My foot feels a bit better, not 100% but better.  I ran today and realized how much I've missed it.  I'm looking forward to a double digit run tomorrow.  What I also got during this break was some more pounds too.  Wednesday I weighed in at 147.  YIKES!  My Weight Watchers lifetime goal is 145.  I'll be honest.  I padded that goal.  I've spent all year thinking how I would really like to lose another 10 lbs. 

Honestly I would like to be in the 130-135 range.  Which means I really want to lose 10-15 more pounds.  And I was more than prepared to hit that Weight Watcher wagon again. 

And I still will. I'm going to do their online program.  I've never done it online. I really enjoy the camaraderie of the meetings.  And if I lose at least 8lbs then I will get reimbursed from my work.  And that alone is motivation to at least get that far.  When talking to the lady in charge at work she didn't want to let some of my employee's participate because they only wanted to lose 5lbs.  But for someone that only weighs 120lbs to begin with, losing "only" 5lbs is HARD.  Just as hard as someone who weighs 230lbs to lose 10lbs.  They are both hard to do.  That bothers me.  I may fight that one a little bit.  It doesn't seem very fair and if WW's will allow a person to join and only want to lose 5lbs then I don't see why we shouldn't reward them the same. 

But anyway, back to my original intent of this post.  I truly don't understand why we couldn't get more people to participate. I don't understand why people don't want the benefits that come along with being at a healthy weight.  Losing weight is HARD work. I will be the first to say it.  The amount of running I do, contrary to what one might think makes it harder for me.  When I'm running and burning hundreds of calories it makes me really hungry. I have to fuel my body to be able to run double digit miles.  Training for a full marathon while also trying to lose weight is going to be HARD. 

But it's so worth it.  I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

So I'm putting it out there.  My goal is to weigh 130-135lbs and drop one more pant size.  I don't think I'm fat.  I know I'm in the high end of the healthy range for my height.  But I do want to lean out some.  I will continue running of course (duh!) and I've been doing some fun weight training classes too. 

Why don't more people want this for themselves?
Is there anything I can do to help someone without offending them?  It's like it's this gift I want them to give themselves.

** I had some great pictures to include in this post but stupid blogger is having issues.  I may add them later if I can.

Disheartened

So a few weeks ago Jeramie and I joined a gym.  With our membership we get to do these periodic fitness assessments.  They recommended that you go in and do one early on so that you have a starting point.  I figured that sounded like a good idea so this evening we headed in for our assessments.

I wasn't really concerned at all because I've been running 4-5 times per week pretty consistently for almost a year now.  I feel like I'm in some of the best shape of my life.  I was apparently really wrong.

Here's where my numbers fell:

My metabolic age:  53 years / 4 months  (that's 16 years older)

My body fat percentage:  35.1%  (23% is average, 5% in my age category)

VO2max:  34.3  (34.6 is average, I'm 45% to average)

Push ups:  10  (16 is average, I'm 20% to average)

Here's where Jeramie's numbers fell:

Metabolic age:  31 years / 0 months (this is wrong because they also had down he was 36 years old)

His body fat percentage: 20% (19% is average, 45% in his age category)

VO2max:  46.4  (42.6 is average, He's 70% to average)

Push ups:  21  (19 is average, I'm 60% to average)

So apparently I should really just model Jeramie.  Big Mac's for everyone!  Because clearly all this exercise and attempts at healthy eating actually do nothing for me.  It's hard not to compare myself to Jeramie since he's the only other person I eat with.  But clearly the numbers indicate that even at the lowest weight I've been in probably 10 years, I'm still fat. Whatever he's doing is working much better than what I'm doing.

Jeramie insists that I shouldn't listen.  That it's all a scam to get us to buy their supplements and protein powders. Personal Training sessions anyone? 

I just can't shake how truly disappointed I walked away feeling. Just deflated.  Asking myself what is the point of sacrificing all this time every week.  It just makes no sense to me at all.  And it makes me really sad.  It isn't easy to drag my but out the door 3 days a week in 90+ degree weather to sweat up a storm. When everyone else sits inside the air conditioned office enjoying their carb loaded lunches.

Seriously what is the point?

Today I definitely feel like I'm wasting my time and energy.  I have worked so hard the past 11 weeks especially.  All for nothing.  I don't understand it .. a t   a l l.

I'm not really sure how this fitness assessment was supposed to encourage us to maintain a membership. Frankly today, I feel like what is the point?

I can hear my dad now .. there goes Kerry on another rant.  Maybe it's a rant.  Maybe tomorrow I will feel better (probably not since the dentist will be wrecking havoc in my mouth).  But if nothing else this post will document where we both began.

So I came home and cooked up a Lean Cuisine pizza for dinner (wow .. 10 points) and since I couldn't bring myself to spend more points on salad dressing I skipped the salad and had an orange with it instead.  This feels like such bullshit.

Obesity vs. Alcoholism

So I posted yesterday about how more people would choose a perfect body over a million dollars.  I just can't get it out of my head.  So it got me thinking.  66% of American's are obese.  It's one of the (if not the very top) contributing causes to death.  How sad is that?  And please don't think I'm getting all high and mighty about this.  I was fat too.  I am barely (we're talking the difference of only 5 pounds) within a healthy weight range for my height.  So many women are depressed about their weight.  They feel trapped by their weight.  My own husband has weight issues, so I know it isn't just about women.  But seriously, if you or someone close to you has ever been affected by alcoholism then maybe just stop reading here.  I by no means intend to trivialize that disease at all.  But I am going to draw a parallel that I see. 

Where this all began was during that lunch errand yesterday.  I ran over to the Weight Watchers center to purchase a book.  When I was leaving I saw these two women walk in together.  I started thinking how WW's is about meetings, so is AA.  These two ladies were on the journey together, supporting each other.  In AA you have a sponsor!  So then I started looking into it some more.  How are these two things the same?  Why are they both successful?

On the AA website it has this list of questions you're supposed to ask yourself.  If you answer yes to four or more questions then you have a drinking problem.  Well in this case I'm converting it to an EATING problem.  See for yourself:

1.  Have you ever decided to stop drinking go on a diet for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?


2. Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking eating habits – stop telling you what to do?

3. Have you ever switched from one kind of drink fast food to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk fat?

4. Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year?

5. Do you envy people who can drink eat without getting into trouble?

6. Have you had problems connected with drinking poor eating habits during the past year?

7. Has your drinking eating caused trouble at home?

8. Do you ever try to get “extra” drinks food at a party because you do not get enough?

9. Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking eating bad any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk fat when you don’t mean to?

10. Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking eating?  (okay that one was a stretch)

11. Do you have “blackouts”?  (I've certainly blacked out on that whole bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs I just ate)

12. Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink overeat?

Now isn't that fascinating??  I agree some of them are a bit of a stretch.  But I could EASILY find four things in there that my answer was HELL YES!  Obesity can ruin lives just as much as alcoholism can.  It can feel just as lonely.  Really how different are these things?  Not so much. 
 

Saint Francis of Assisi said:

 

Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

 

I accept that I cannot change the spider veins on my thighs and therefore will never wear short shorts.

I have the courage to make what I put in my mouth a choice.

I have the courage to sign up for a 5K and push myself to complete it.

And on good days I like to think that I have the wisdom to know the difference.

 

I don't expect that I'll get many "Comments" on this post.

I'll either have offended people, which I really don't intend to.

Or people just don't want to talk about it.

Or maybe they think I fell off my rocker.

 

But if you aren't afraid.  Tell me what you think ...

Am I the only person that sits and ponders these things?

 

So tomorrow maybe I'll be back with the adorable preschool graduation pictures from last week that I haven't made the time to gather up into a real post.

Marching On.

So today I saw some folks that I haven't seen in awhile.

When I walked into work this morning one of them said to me,

"Boy you've gotten skinny!"

AWE .. THANKS!

Then the same person said,

"I heard there was a memo out that said Kerry is not allowed to have any more babies."

AWE .. THANKS AGAIN!  I interpreted it that I was missed when I'm out on leave.

It had me thinking about my weight loss journey.

Realization #1

I re-read my post about it being a choice here.

And I have to admit I found myself being inspired by myself!

More a case of getting back on track inspired.

About a month ago I had to choose my official Weight Watchers Goal Weight.

Well I wanted it to be a number I felt that I could feel comfortable in my skin in.

As a result I chose a number that was 10lbs higher than what I really had in mind.

See once you hit your Goal Weight with WW you get a Lifetime Membership.

With that you can't go more than 2 lbs higher while attending meetings at no charge.

Well in a way this actually worked against me.

I hit that weight the very next week.  Lots of cheering and clapping.

I just kept thinking at the time, but this isn't really where I want to be.

Well then I stopped losing.

I went into "maintenance" mode.

Then .. I gained a pound.

THEN .. I gained 3 pounds.

Hmm .. Okay not so much maintenance.  SO since then I've lost 2 lbs.

And I was reminded it's time to get back on the wagon and work towards that *real* goal weight.

Realization #2

Without being signed up for another race I have weakened on my motivation to run.

I took about 2 weeks off before I reminded myself that if I keep this up I will have to start ALL OVER.

So last Thursday I was back on the treadmill.  And again today.

Realization #3

When I am taking the time to run, I'm more inclined to eat better.

Looking at the counter on my treadmill seeing that I just busted my ass to burn a whopping 400 calories and then knowing that I can eat that in less than a Big Mac (mmm .. I like Big Mac's) .. well that's depressing.

I'd have to run like 4 miles to burn off that Big Mac .. then what about the fries?

So ..

I'm back on the wagon.

This week will be better.

Quote of the Week (and for the life of me I can't remember where I read this):

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

The torture!!

One of the best things about Easter:

I seriously LOVE these!

I have been buying a couple bags a week.

But I haven't been eating them.

I still want to lose another 10 lbs and it's been SO hard .. that last 10.

This weekend I finally opened a bag.

I ate one serving .. 12 eggs.

Yes I counted them.

I get up the next morning to find the bag completely empty!

Jeramie and Wyland ate the entire bag (mostly Jeramie).

Monday night Jeramie jumped on me about where the brownies went that one of our neighbors brought us.

I think he was implying that Baylee had found them and eaten them.

I told him they were in the fridge, I had hidden them from her.

The next day he went looking for them and Jackson and Robie had eaten them all.

He was mad .. I said, "What like the last time she made brownies and YOU ate them all and I didn't

even get one?  BUMMER!"  (karma my friend)

I bought Girl Scout cookies.

They're still sitting on my desk at work .. unopened.

I told him last night that if I brought them home he would eat them all and I wouldn't get any.

Does anyone else have to maintain separate locations between their husbands and sweets??

This was not the original reason for this blog post.

I was just going to say how incredibly challenged I have been lately with my eating habits.

As soon as I have one naughty thing it's SO hard to get back on track.

My running has become so much harder!

It could have to do with the 28 minutes of straight running. (I'm up to 3.4 miles)

Could be that I've struggle to get 3 runs in each week.

Could be that I've been cheating on my diet and so I'm not fueling my body well.

Could be a combination of it all!

It's been HARD though.

And Cadbury Mini Eggs .. those bags now stashed in my nightstand (hiding from Baylee and Jeramie).

They call my name at night!!

So. Hard.

Jeramie's Healthy 2011 Journey

Jeramie was envious of my healthy ways.

So he insisted that he needed to start his own.

So we placed an order in a far distant land .. China.

We received this package:

And inside was this:

Which then meant he needed all these:

Okay .. well maybe the Calcium and D3 are mine .. maybe.

Then this weekend while I was at my movie

I received the following text message:

So I'm trying to work out and I'm facing towards the stairs thinking

that's better when the whole pull up bar falls off the door and

I tumble down six flights of stairs!

My leg hurts.

I could have been killed.

And now my door looks like this.

Because he ripped the top of the trim off the wall at the top of the basement stairs.

And guess who was upset I didn't ask if he was okay?

Umm .. clearly he's a man and if he wasn't ok he would have said so from the beginning right?

Monday morning I heard him telling his mom about what happened.

She laughed too.

Yet another reason we really need to get with the program and repaint

all the main living space in our house.

The P90X journey has just begun for Jeramie.

For now he needs to find somewhere else to do his pull ups.

I can't squeeze P90X into my running schedule right now.

But I haven't ruled out doing it at a later date.

On top of all this Jeramie has decided to follow in my footsteps.

Pride Day 5K in June

He's enlisting friends at work to run with him.

I'll probably run with him too.  Since by then I plan to be a 5K pro!

Are you sure?

Dear Couch to 5k app,

Are you sure about this?  For five weeks now we have been training together three times a week.  I'm used to you training me the same way for 3 days a week before you attempt to bump me up to something harder.  It's been working for us.  I've been happy .. you've been happy.  At the start of this week I thought to myself, "Wow, 5 min run, 3 min walk, 5 min run, 3 min walk, 5 min run .. that's a lot of running, but I trust you."  And I did it on Tuesday, you were right it wasn't so bad.  But then I looked ahead to what you had planned for me on Thursday and I must say, are you sure?  8 min run, 5 min walk, 8 min run?  I just don't think I can do that!  Why are we not repeating what we did on Tuesday?  As if that wasn't bad enough I dared to look at what you have planned for the weekend ... we are going to run for 20 min straight?!!!

Are you sure about this?  As I am not.  Like REALLY not.

Love,
Kerry
aspiring 5 k runner

You can do it!

I noticed something interesting when I returned to work after my maternity leave. Whenever people commented on the fact that they were impressed that I was back to *normal* shape so quickly I would of course start by thanking them. This often led to an assumption that I had been “really hitting the gym.” I was then quick to clarify that it was all thanks to Weight Watchers.

Then ..

.. dead silence ..

.. Birds Chirping ..

It hit me after the first few times it happened that people weren’t actually interested in how it happened. They didn’t want to know *the secret*. See, as we all know losing weight is HARD work. I am a firm believer that if you really want to lose weight the majority of people can. It’s simply a choice. You have to choose to do the hard work. I also realize this doesn’t apply to ALL people, Baylee is a prime example of that.

It isn’t fun.

Passing on the full slice of garlic bread to nibble on only half a slice.

Passing on your favorite dessert because you haven’t had the best weekend to begin with.

Skipping the glass of wine with dinner because .. that’s just 2 more points.

I’ve decided the reason that there was silence after I told people Weight Watchers (and I was fully prepared to tell them all about it), well it’s because they really didn’t want to hear that it was possible. Because that would have meant hard work for them. I’ll be the first to own up to the fact after the birth of Jackson and again with Wyland I wasn’t fully vested in doing the work because I knew I would have another baby and it would all be for nothing. After the birth of Oliver I had a different perspective. I know we will not be having any more kids, so once I get to my goal weight it will become a case of maintaining. I don’t expect anything to come along and completely derail me.

(now watch me go on some wacky medication that makes me gain 50 lbs!)

Now don’t take this all the wrong way. I don’t say these things because I want a pat on the back saying, “Yay me! I’m so cool because I lost my baby weight fast.” I say it as words of encouragement. Not being the weight you want to be sucks. It can weigh on your mind. It can depress you. But it really is as simple as making a decision. It’s a choice. Nobody can make you do it if you don’t want to. Yeah I think the world of Weight Watchers, to me the $130 it costs for a 12 week program is SO worth it. Best money ever spent. After 12 weeks even if you don’t continue going to meetings you still have all the materials to forge on alone.

I don’t know of a single person that hasn’t been successful on WW if they really worked the program.

If you WANT to lose weight ..

You can ..

It’s that simple.

Everything in moderation .. that’s what my mum always said.

You don't have to exercise either. 

You don't have to buy special food (unless you consider fresh fruits and vegetables special).

YOU choose what you put in your mouth. 

I tell you all this, not for a pat on the back for myself. 

But because at the end of the day I'm so glad I did it for myself. 

The hard work is so worth it. 

I don't want anyone to doubt that if they really want to that they can have the same success.

No turning back.

So today I officially registered for the Thanksgiving Point 5k.

April 30, 2011

Official Start Time 7:45am

I'm still loving my Couch to 5k training app on my iPod.  It's AWESOME.  This week I really thought it was going to kick my butt.  We're talking warm up 5 minutes and then run 5 mins, walk 90 seconds, run, walk, run, walk .. you get the picture.  This week was a LOT of running.  But I did it.  That's the beauty of this training app, even though I feel like I'm not sure I can do it when I look at it I always can.  So it works!  It's really training me.  The hardest part is squeezing the time in to do it.  See the minute I get home I either drive Robie home or Jeramie leaves the kids with me while he drives her home.  My typical Monday/Wednesday/Friday routine goes as follows:

5:15pm / 5:30pm I leave work.

5:45pm / 6:00pm I get home.

6:00pm I load all 4 kids into the car and drive Robie home.

6:45pm I get back home and unload the kids.

7:00pm Take some/all kids to basement and RUN.

7:40pm Head back upstairs, red faced and out of breath.

7:50pm Start Dinner

8:30pm (if we're lucky) Eat dinner, watch a show on the DVR.

10pm Take Oliver upstairs and get him to bed after which I go to bed.

Do you see a problem here?

Eating dinner at 8:30pm at night?

Only actually sitting down to relax for about an hour and a half if we're lucky?

Oh well .. it is what it is.  We're busy.

And all of that was assuming I leave work on time.

I love the weekends.

Forgive the blurry camera picture.
Here are my babies hanging out watching TV while I run.
Yep .. that's Oliver in the pile of blankets with a propped up bottle.

 Our exercise "corner".  Can you see how barely perfectly that treadmill fits?
Note the barely enough space to walk behind it when I have it unfolded.

This year 5k .. maybe next year half marathon.

It's a glorious day!!

Today is a great day .. well it will be a great day.  After much debate and many visits to many stores I have decided on a treadmill.  We're spending more than we originally planned, but it's such a good deal that we've figured out how to justify it.  No more Black Friday Special for me .. I'm getting a grown up's treadmill. 

It's true!

She's going to look like this:

(the treadmill .. not me .. yet ..)

Wish me luck!

Jeramie is supposed to get off work early enough to drive over with the

truck to pick it up.  I'm so excited!

LifeSpan 1200i

That's her name and this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

2011 Fitness Goals - Update

I’ve been doing Weight Watchers for 5 weeks now.

I’ve lost 7.4 pounds.

That’s a 1.48 pounds per week average.

(That makes it sound better in my head.)

But yet I feel disappointed.

Like it isn’t happening quick enough.

Then I remind myself …

Slow and steady. That’s how it will stay off.

While I’ve convinced myself all along that I don’t have a goal weight in mind. I suppose I kind of do. With said goal weight in my head, at the rate I’m going that means that I should be there around the beginning of May.

12 more weeks!

Pro: That’s before summer.

Con: It’s so far away!

Slow and steady wins the race.

On an up note I’m doing good with my training for my 5k.

Note I didn’t say “training”, with the quotation marks? I decided that although for the half marathoners and avid runners a 5k is hardly worth “training” for and therefore can seem a rather inappropriate word to use. For ME I am training my body for the 5k. For ME it’s a big deal. I’m starting from scratch.

So I am training.

And proud to say I’m training. It’s going well. Despite the lack of a working treadmill in my basement.

We’re still working on rectifying that problem. Right now in the lead is the Golds Gym treadmill at Walmart. Perhaps it will find its way to my basement this week.

While I would love one of those $800 treadmills that are fancy. Not in the budget.

Exercise Gods are working against me!

So with my return to work this week I have also added exercise back into the day.  This last weekend Jeramie moved the treadmill from the garage back down to the basement.  I walked/ran on it yesterday and it felt good!  Then today when I was leaving work we were talking about exercise and I mentioned that I'm "training" for a 5k.  She mentioned this really cool app you can get on the smartphone.  So I found it and downloaded it.  She was right .. it's AWESOME!  Thanks Jessica!!!  So I was excited to go home and give it a try on the treadmill. I got all suited up headed downstairs and hopped on.  At first I thought I just needed to pay attention to what I was doing .. I felt like I tripped.  Then it kept happening .. not good.  Apparently the belt keeps sliding itself over and then getting caught, this then causes me to jerk. Not good, I practically fell off at one point.  My treadmill is no more.  I can't run on something that's going to make me fall over.  Just as I was getting started I hit this road bump .. I'm so mad.  For the time being I may have to resort to using the one at work after I get off, I am grateful that I at least have that option.  Then on the weekends I can use my parents (it's exactly the same as mine which could mean I break that one too).  But long term this is bad and we're going to have to figure something out.  The benefit to having the treadmill in the basement is that Baylee will ride her bike while I run on the treadmill which kills two birds with one stone.  So we're going to have to get a replacement.  Jackson sits down there pretending to time us, so when I run faster he encourages Baylee to "catch up" and she then pedals faster.  Anyone know where I can get a cheap treadmill??  Watch the ads for me!!

Sorry for the pictureless blog posts lately.  Here are a couple pictures just because I haven't posted them yet.  Jackson and Wyland love their new brother!

 Awe .. he's so cute!

 On one last note I have to say that I have the best team at work!!  They have done a couple really fun and nice things for me upon my return and I can't even say how much I appreciate it.  They're really such a great bunch of ladies to work with .. I'll tell you more about that later.

Remember .. we're looking for a cheap treadmill people .. let me know if you find anything.

P.S.  Dad - I'm accepting donations to the new treadmill fund .. remember this benefits Baylee because she rides her bike while I'm down there .. just think about it ....